Co

Apr 21, 2024

Despite the fact separate sleep spaces are more available than ever before, the vast majority of adults share their bed at one time or another with a partner, child or even a pet

Every parent knows the feeling of being woken up through the night by a small child stumbling their way into their bed.

But why do children want to sleep with us? And why are they so reluctant to sleep on their own?

It has only been relatively recently in human history that children have slept separately to adults in their own beds. Historically, sleep was undertaken together as a family or social unit.

Medieval records of European sleeping habits as early as the 5th century show that sleep was a social and communal practice where it was not uncommon to receive visitors, or passing travellers, into the bedroom, or for many family members to sleep in the same bed.

Sleeping with others was often viewed as a way to increase personal security, conserve resources and generate warmth. Separate sleeping spaces were something few could afford, so the choice of bed companions mirrored existing social and community relationships and structures.

As society progressed, around the 15th century, individual sleeping spaces became more common and were viewed as an indicator of wealth and prosperity emerging in many western countries. Gradually, social guidelines around who slept with whom changed, and this continued to mirror the broader changes in sociocultural and family values around belonging, identity, care, intimacy and independence.

Biologically our instinct as mammals is to sleep with our young for warmth, survival, priming and attachment. Sleeping in close proximity (defined as “in close enough proximity to exchange at least two sensory stimuli, such as touch, smell, movement, sight and/or sound”) is the norm in most mammals. Human infants are the most immature mammal at birth, needing relatively more nurturing than other mammals.

Sociocultural values help determine who sleeps with whom. We are social beings. Being together, accepted and loved is vital to development and wellbeing and for understanding our place in the world.

Despite the fact that separate sleep spaces are more available than ever before, the vast majority of adults share their bed at one time or another with a partner, child or even a pet. Children might be motivated to sleep with adults because of separation anxiety or a sense of unavailability from their caregivers, especially in times of vulnerability (such as during the night). The same attachment drive might motivate some parents to share close proximity to their child at night. Being together is also an instinctive behaviour by parents so their children can feel safe and protected.

But sharing a bed is not always conducive to the realities of modern life, such as having parents who need a decent night’s sleep for work the next day. And if you don’t have to share a bed, why would you? We also know how important sleep is for health, and that includes for adults. So it may not be in the best interests of everyone’s health to “co-sleep”.

There are many biological, cultural, historical or scientific reasons as to why children seek out their carers to sleep with at night. But while most young children, given the choice, may prefer to sleep in the big bed with a parent, it’s not always the answer to a good night’s sleep.

Prof Sarah Blunden is a clinical psychologist and head of paediatric sleep research at Central Queensland University. She is the founder and director of the Australian Centre for Education in Sleep and the Paediatric Sleep Clinic